itt retro games

View previous topic View next topic Go down

itt retro games

Post by Guest on Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:08 am

So TOTL, my Mega Drive and N64 were looking pretty dusty so I decided to play some old games.
My N64's library wasn't much, just SM64 and Bomberman Hero.
But even thought my Mega Drive's library was minute too, it had some fucking classic in there.

STREETS OF FUCKING RAGE
Spoiler:

That shit wasis great.
The soundtrack is possibly the greatest in retro video games, it had to be done on a different soundboard because the Genesis/Mega Drive's couldn't support it.
I mean, THIS is just the first stage's theme.

So you pick your character, with the choices of a nigger, a whore, and the manliest man ever, and go about beating up everyone because everyone in the city you're in is a criminal or some shit.
Smash phone boxes for food to eat (just like in real life), or weapons (okay maybe this).
That's all well and good but then the music dies down and then, PLAYTIME'S OVER FAGGOT PREPARE TO FACE REALITY.
Whether it be boomerangs, fire breathing balls of lard, or just sprite recolours, you'll always be using the single special attack you get every life.

You beat 6 stages and then what, more linear walking and punching?
WRONG FAGGOT
You're on a huge elevator.
Like every other stage, but in a small space, AND IT GOES ABOVE THE SKYLINE AND YOU CAN THROW ENEMIES OFF IT.
THIS IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
TO REACH THIS STAGE AND HEAR ONE OF THE BEST TRACKS IN THE WHOLE GAME

JUST TO REACH THIS STAGE


So you survive and head to stage 8.
And holy fuck, that theme.

In this stage all your favourite enemies are back in recolours and they maul you with serving carts.
Oh and all the bosses you killed are back from the dead.

So you're about to reach the final boss after all that effort, and then these twin bosses come and rape all your hard lives, upon surviving that, you'll meet Mr. X himself.
AND HE DOESN'T FUCK AROUND
REMEMBER ALL THAT PHYSICAL CONTACT?
ALL GONE WHEN MR X PULLS OUT HIS FUCKING MACHINE GUN AND BLASTS YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL

But hey, his theme's pretty cool

Then we had The Revenge of Shinobi.
Really can't say much on this as I've only gotten to Stage 3.
But anyway the story involves some Ninja guy's girlfriend getting kidnapped by a criminal organisation.
Naturally he's pissed and goes to save her.

Gameplay consists of spamming kunais at everything hoping to get somewhere.
Oh and some pretty cool powerups that include getting hit by lightning.

ROCKET KNIGHT ADVENTURES:
When Sonic was released and animal protagonists were all the rage, Konami invented Sparkster the possum.
Was he just some brightly coloured anthropomorphic animal?
WELL YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG.

HE HAS A FULL SUIT OF ARMOUR, A JET PACK, AND A SWORD.
LET'S SEE YOU GET THAT WITH YOUR RAINBOW PONIES.

There was some story to it but nobody cares about it.

The game starts off with you seeing an air fortress blow shit up, then you start the game on a field with building burning and smoke in the background.
Sparkster's sword defies physics and can launch projectiles.
So you run around reducing pigs in armour to their underwear and blowing up their vehicles, and suddenly you come across a tall wall blocking your path.
Is that it?
Do you give up?
STOP BEING WRONG SHITHEAD
You charge up your jetpack using whatever button and POW you're flying for a brief moment.
It's all cute and then you come to the boss.
whatcha gunna do now

You'll be fighting tanks, giant robotic centipedes, trains, your rival in a giant robot etc. etc.
So after blasting off into space you'll soon reach Stage 7.
And.
Holy.
Fucking.
SHIT.

This stage is merciless
It wants you to die with every ounce of strength in it.
Even the boss tries to kill you.
AFTER BEING DESTROYED

Golden Axe is in there.
A merciless arcade game converted to 16-bit.
The arcade version fucking hated you and wanted your money.
The 16-bit version is exactly the same.

You can play as a man in a thong, a whore, and a dwarf.
he game consists of hitting everything that moves and getting hit by the enemy before you can hit them.

There was also a Dick Tracy game, with a shitty platforming section I could never get past, and a Batman game that I could never play.

So what do you have TOTL?

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: itt retro games

Post by ACE MCWICKED on Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:13 am

NES goodset on XP

as for physicals i have one of the first 100 manufactured Pokemon Green. that's it unless you count the NES Classics edition of Zelda 2 for GBA

_________________
it's broken again!
avatar
ACE MCWICKED
reliable tech support
reliable tech support

Posts : 1933
Join date : 2012-08-31
Location : the holocaust never happened

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: itt retro games

Post by dogman is stupid on Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:06 pm

fucking loved golden axe

_________________
Signature:

Oh look a theme:
avatar
dogman is stupid
Admin

Posts : 4731
Join date : 2012-06-14

View user profile http://totlounge.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Re: itt retro games

Post by Guest on Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:09 pm

[REDACTED] wrote:fucking loved golden axe
i only survived getting to the stage 4
when i was about 6 i managed to get to stage 7 so it was all good

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: itt retro games

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum